From time to time, parents will tell us that they do not believe their child really has autism, despite having all of the symptoms, because they do not “lack empathy.” Like these parents, I have also read literature that makes this assumption: that people with autism have little or no empathy for others. This assumption puzzles me. “Lack of empathy” is not a diagnostic criterion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Autistic Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or Asperger’s Disorder. Similarly, the most seminal and thoughtful research and literature on ASDs (Uta Frith, Lorna Wing, Simon Baron-Cohen, etc.) does not assert that individuals with ASDs lack empathy.
I have asked individuals with ASDs about empathy, and they have described to me feeling extremely empathetic at times; in fact, several of these individuals have mentioned that they feel “too sensitive” towards others. One young man on the spectrum noted that when he sees someone experience something negative, such as falling down and hurting themselves, he winces as he literally “feels their pain.” However, he noted, his empathy is only evoked when he, at some point, has experienced the same situation or same evident emotion as the person with whom he is empathizing. If someone is experiencing something he cannot relate to or understand from his own past experience, he does not “know to empathize” and then may appear insensitive.
This young man’s insight leads me to believe that many people misunderstand (Simon Baron-Cohen’s) “theory of mind” deficiencies in people with autism as a lack of empathy. “Theory of mind”, or ToM, is the theory that we have the capability to attribute mental states to ourselves and to others (or, as the saying goes, to put ourselves in another’s shoes). Theory of mind ability constitutes the first step in empathy. While people with ASDs may struggle with theory of mind ability (probably due to a lower-than-usual amount of mirror neurons in the brain, which facilitate ToM), they do possess at least some of this ability, and studies have shown that they can and do develop ToM abilities over time (in fact, studies show that many individuals with Asperger’s develop ToM abilities nearly on par with most neurotypical adults by adulthood). Therefore, a person with an ASD (especially as a child) may struggle to understand someone else's mental state, but once they do, they can certainly feel for that person.
Literature that suggests that individuals with ASDs lack empathy is not only incorrect, it is dangerous, because it may lead to the belief the people with autism are sociopathic and not safe to have around. Furthermore, it is simply untrue and undercuts the incredible sensitivity towards others that many people with ASDs possess. Over the last couple of months, I have been conducting research with young adults with ASDs in college, and, as a college professor, I can confidently assert that this group of students have been among the most thoughtful, and empathetic, that I have met.